On these pages I end my day. All I have seen will find its place of rest in here, amidst the precarious workings and re-workings, creations and recreations2, and the overtly copious grantings of the forlorn pen3. After the languor of the day, a time for recline is in sore need of acceptance. And I shall indulge.
A beginning must be established. But where to begin.4 What staked its claim to jest or endowed the day with color so vibrant? 5 Too many to choose and remember in here that to choose is to sacrifice one for the other.6 Will the notation of a few be just to the many? Will the many be useful to exemplifying my elation for the few affecting themes?7
One way to do best is an absurd idea, yet I ponder what will be if I choose one or the other. Of all that is lost from making selections, one will be gained without motion to form.8
As I stare at this page, the words flowing from mind, through pen,9 onto paper with deliberation,10 a stare of the inner eye11 looks at the emptiness of page, with the white spaces pervading through the letters. So much remains untouched by ink. 12 A day, so full of emptiness it seems when written, minute and discreet relations to a day where nothing happened.13
Is that really it?14 So much to say, but bits and pieces are chosen that amount to nothing in the end. Nothing is gained without something lost, so I will begin my account at the time I awoke to the clear sky and the breeze against my cheek. 15
Noon had arrived on my watch that was five minutes ahead the average time.16 The tinted sky, calm and brooding, waned across the sky in languorous waves. And the chill wind kissed my cheek in welcoming me back to this time of the year.17
(End of writing. Nothing beyond this point)18
2 Reality is a creation, constructed by the world. Each person perceives events differently from the next. Cultures and nations see the world differently as their minds take in each event. Without elaborating on this idea further—as I know I do when I am allowed to write my ideas, and a good journaler (that I am)—our ideas, our thoughts, circle around our understanding of the way things are. They are as we see them. And we see them because we have learned that x means one thing. Learned is a fickle word at describing our understanding. Learned does not me understand to be true, or right, but learned as come to understand in our own way.
3 The abundant wishes of the pen—which are quite pitiful—gives me satisfaction at their development on page, and sadness at their dissolution .
4 Purposely not a question. I am speaking ideas, not asking questions. Later, I begin asking questions. My transformation of thinking is notable, as it appears in just the next line. I am quickly transitioning from thinking to questioning.
This non-question sprouts questions that will shape my thinking throughout the work.
5 I am thinking about my day and trying to find what is important to mention.
6 A big point for the work. Choosing and making decisions are tough. I do not know what I want to choose, and am quite undecided on the point.
7 I have analyzed my day and found what its purpose is. Or have I? I believe I have found the “few affecting themes” that have occurred in my day. While I am struggling with understanding what to do about the rest of the questions, I believe I have found the answer to one.
(First Editor) All of his thoughts are based around this central idea, that he figured out the themes of his day, and he considers everything else is a conundrum. He bases everything off of this one idea he believes to be true.
8 From what is lost, something is gained. If I choose to leave out certain pieces, others are able to stand out and gain importance.
Motion to form–if the form is to remove something to show another, then changing form means what?
(First Editor) Motion to form—what he is saying is skewed to mean a couple things. In his form, he really is moving nowhere with his thinking. He thinks but gets nowhere in his thought. There is no action. That is what is happening as the journaler is writing.
9 Why put “and” here? I don’t like that in here. The sentence sounds better without the conventional triteness seeping into his language.
10 (First Editor) He is taking painstaking care to write his ideas onto paper. And he knows it. Why does he write it? (He is reassuring himself of it. He needs this reassurance; this is his thought process. Why then does he contemplate what to do when telling his story? Good question to follow.)
11 Not to self—Creation of Character in My Entry (I am not myself)—thought arises again in this character’s language. He knows he is taking time to write, thinking about what to do, and now he mentions he uses his mind. He is a thinker, and knows it. We are given those hints to make us thinkers too, possibly. Does he want us to be thinkers? If he does, then he has an audience. Is that his intention? (I have not gone far enough to understand him, so this is a question also for me while I write).
12 He sees all of the emptiness on the page. No matter how much he writes, there is always more that is lacking. He cannot write enough to fill that emptiness.
(Correction: “No matter how much I write, there is always more that is lacking”).
13 Sarcasm. He knows something happened, but he has decided that language is not allowing him to show it. Language is creating this nothingness in his life. (Key point for following my character?)
14 Is this really a question? Debatable. He may be so lost in his mind that this question is not a question. He asks it, but the meaning behind it is lost to him. They are only words.
15 He is finally going to start his story. His reasoning did not help him, and he made a decision after much time, but it is based on nothing. He is only doing it because there is nothing else he can do. Language has forced him to start without providing good reason.
16 The details that he puts into it. Why does it matter that it is five minutes ahead and why does he add “average time” into it. He likes to be early, possibly? Maybe he isn’t, and needs that incentive to be close to on-time. And “average time” may have a meaning beyond this. Details though pop up and are throughout this whole piece.
17 He’s trying to escape his disorder by pretending everything is beautiful. (excerpt from journal)
He describes his day as lengthy and over He calls his day ‘languorous,’ which is tiring, slow, dreamlike. Its purpose is to set up his demeanor—yes—as well as provide a marker for the ending, which contradicts his disposition throughout the piece.
18 (First Editor)—I’m not too sure what you want to do with this. Should we send this in?